Facing my Fear

Note: It's hard to see how high this is...but it's 18 stories. The buildings in the background are 3 stories. It's a 70 Meter jump.

I hate heights. Period. I without a doubt feel more uncomfortable with being up high than I do with anything else. I'm not sure what it is about heights. Maybe the vulnerability and sheer fact that falling to my death is not the way I want to go. So why I ask myself would I ever agree to bungee jumping...?

Good question. I think it's because no matter how much I hate heights I also love adrenaline. Every time I'm on a roller coaster going up that never ending hill I think "why did I do this?" Or when I'm on the swings at places like Tivoli and I'm only strapped in by a flimsy bar that I could get out of and two skinny "metal" linked chains holding me to the rusting piece above. My body is flying around and being pulled in every direction in the wind and all I can do is hang on for dear life. But for some sick reason I love it all the same. I don't let it hold me back. Climbing to the top of the church tower was enough. I mean I can only make the little kids go along the outside rail for so long. Nonetheless, I have always wanted to sky dive and bungee jump and I knew that I may never get the chance to jump again. So..I said yes and actually showed up.

The weather was not ideal. Cold and windy. The clouds were filled with so much moisture and I was certain that it was going to rain. All day in class I struggled to concentrate because of the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wrote both Brian and my parents emails and after thinking about them later on, I realised that they sounded morbid. I must have been more scared than even I thought.

After finally reaching the jump landing the wind had picked up a lot and the bungee guys were even commenting on how cold and windy it was. The two of them were definitely giving me too much information on the weather situation (that rimes:).

Realizing that I was by far the most nervous and knowing that after picking straws I would "luckily" be going last (yeah right) they started talking to me. When it was finally my turn I felt excited, but at the same time I could not help but think, "this is crazy."

I literally froze and had a cold stone face right after the elevator looking shaft took me and the one other person it had room for five feet off the ground...I thought to myself this guy who I met about 30 minutes ago could be the last human I see. hmm? IT was scary lifting up and then being moved out over the water..and then up some more.

I reached the top and couldn't look down. The wind was blowing hard and my brain kind of shut off. The bungee guy told me to move forward and move my feet over the edge. I could feel the cold metal on my bare feet and I slid forward until I could see my toes curled over the edge. I looked down. crap. It was weird feeling the wind all around me. The bungee guy told me to put out my arms...I asked, "you mean let go?" He slightly laughed and then said "Yes, you can do this." He told me one last time that the equipment was fine I was strapped in and he would hold onto my arm until I was ready. It took me three times to let go of the post. The wind carried his voice saying "1..2..3" into my ear and I just let go. I let my body fall forward and I fell into the sky. I was floating and falling towards the water faster and faster. It wasn't until I felt the line recoil that I knew I had done it. Up until then I thought, "maybe..this isn't happening." The hardest part was letting go, but after that it was the most freeing feeling. The recoil was scary and I felt like I was falling over and over again..and don't get wrong...being back on the ground was the best feeling in the world. I only know that I screamed because of the evidence on video. Actually, I said a lot of things. It was weird to see my body free falling in the air. I looked like a rag doll. And my eyes felt funny for a few hours from all of the blood rushing to my head, but it was really really amazing and I am so happy that I was able to overcome my fear. I think the Big Guy was watching out for me. Next up...skydiving!